Conflict is a common phenomenon in most relationships. It can exist in myriad levels of analysis and one of the most popular levels is interpersonal conflict. Interpersonal conflict is a situation in which 2 or more individuals, each with incompatible perceptions, experiencing difficulty in a relationship. This kind of conflict is often inevitable among family members, friends and colleagues in the various stages of our lives. It is not always true that conflicts only inflict negative impacts on relationships. In fact, through the course of resolving a conflict, we can learn how to maintain, flourish and establish stronger interpersonal relationships making it longer lasting and rewarding.
Let’s discuss a hypothetical example illustrating an interpersonal conflict. In this example, I have Sean who was married with his wife, Amber, a year ago. Being newly- weds, he was extremely excited and thrilled about his very first wedding anniversary. He intended to go for a vacation with Amber on the big day and he had been planning it for weeks, hoping to have the best possible celebration that he could ever have with her. The reservation in a lavish hotel had been made, air tickets had been purchased, the perfect anniversary gift had been chosen and most importantly, as his anniversary fell on a Friday, his work leave had been approved so that he could enjoy a longer anniversary weekend with his dear wife.
Everything went according to plan until the moment when Sean was asked to meet his boss, Ms. Black, in her office on the day before his anniversary. Ms. Black demanded Sean to cancel his approved work leave on Friday in order to amend a very important proposal and present it to the client on Saturday. This proposal was very crucial for the company as the project was a multi-million dollar investment and it would contribute a large sum to the company’s income if the client were to accept the proposal. Hesitantly to Ms. Black’s command, Sean tried to refuse politely and state the reasons as to why he could not make it. However, Ms. Black flared in anger and raised her voice as she spoke to Sean harshly, insisting him to follow her orders no matter what as she was the one who was paying his wages. Leaving him no choice, Sean had to obey without questions and do as his boss commanded. As such, this incident left him feeling angry and frustrated as he felt that Ms. Black was not being fair to him and his rights were being violated. He was depressed because he was forced to cancel his vacation, and bearing the financial loss due to the cancellation of the hotel reservation and air ticket purchases. He also disappointed his wife for staying back for work.
In this scenario, the possible cause of the conflict was due to lack of communication between Sean and Ms. Black. This results in Sean feeling unhappy with Ms. Black’s inconsiderate demand and Ms. Black’s anger due to Sean’s reluctance in giving his co-operation to the company’s mega project. Insufficient understanding between the two parties stirred up a lot of negative emotions between each other and within themselves. Therefore, I hope that you could suggest some effective ways in which Sean and Ms. Black could settle the conflict more amicably or in what ways could this unpleasant episode have avoided in the first place. Besides that, what are the solutions that can amend the working relationship between Sean and his boss?
Let’s discuss a hypothetical example illustrating an interpersonal conflict. In this example, I have Sean who was married with his wife, Amber, a year ago. Being newly- weds, he was extremely excited and thrilled about his very first wedding anniversary. He intended to go for a vacation with Amber on the big day and he had been planning it for weeks, hoping to have the best possible celebration that he could ever have with her. The reservation in a lavish hotel had been made, air tickets had been purchased, the perfect anniversary gift had been chosen and most importantly, as his anniversary fell on a Friday, his work leave had been approved so that he could enjoy a longer anniversary weekend with his dear wife.
Everything went according to plan until the moment when Sean was asked to meet his boss, Ms. Black, in her office on the day before his anniversary. Ms. Black demanded Sean to cancel his approved work leave on Friday in order to amend a very important proposal and present it to the client on Saturday. This proposal was very crucial for the company as the project was a multi-million dollar investment and it would contribute a large sum to the company’s income if the client were to accept the proposal. Hesitantly to Ms. Black’s command, Sean tried to refuse politely and state the reasons as to why he could not make it. However, Ms. Black flared in anger and raised her voice as she spoke to Sean harshly, insisting him to follow her orders no matter what as she was the one who was paying his wages. Leaving him no choice, Sean had to obey without questions and do as his boss commanded. As such, this incident left him feeling angry and frustrated as he felt that Ms. Black was not being fair to him and his rights were being violated. He was depressed because he was forced to cancel his vacation, and bearing the financial loss due to the cancellation of the hotel reservation and air ticket purchases. He also disappointed his wife for staying back for work.
In this scenario, the possible cause of the conflict was due to lack of communication between Sean and Ms. Black. This results in Sean feeling unhappy with Ms. Black’s inconsiderate demand and Ms. Black’s anger due to Sean’s reluctance in giving his co-operation to the company’s mega project. Insufficient understanding between the two parties stirred up a lot of negative emotions between each other and within themselves. Therefore, I hope that you could suggest some effective ways in which Sean and Ms. Black could settle the conflict more amicably or in what ways could this unpleasant episode have avoided in the first place. Besides that, what are the solutions that can amend the working relationship between Sean and his boss?
Hi Sau Yeen, :)
ReplyDeleteI think Ms. Black should have informed Sean about the need to amend the proposal much earlier, and not leave it till late before telling him. This would have given Sean sufficient time to make the necessary changes and still be able to make it for his vacation.
She should not have taken such an authoritative approach to dealing with Sean. The moment one party highlights his or her superiority in rank("I'm the one paying your wages!"), communication becomes difficult. This gives rise to an invisible barrier, as mentioned in our first tutorial class and any form of negotiation is not possible.
Ms. Black could also possibly have brought Sean's unfortunate predicament to the attention of her immediate supervisor or superior. He or she could have had prior experience in dealing with situations like these with previous employees, and know just what course of action to take.
Mark
Hi Sau Yeen,
ReplyDeleteIn my view, the stress of dealing with a multi-million proposal may have caused Ms Black to exhibit such dictatorial characteristics. No doubt she should have exhibited better time management and understanding. At the same time, Sean should have tried to understand her viewpoint better and not have rejected her outright. He should have offered her some alternatives. For example, he may have volunteered to work overtime to amend the proposal or brief another colleague working on the same project so that he or she could relief Sean's duty. Given alternatives, maybe Ms Black would not have flared up.
Duane
This is a compelling scenario, Sau Yeen, one that seems quite familiar to me. I guess the idea of a person being put in conflict between family and job has nearly a universal ring to it nowadays.
ReplyDeleteI'm leaving further commentary to your blogging partners, but i will say that I appreciate your effort in writing this fine post. Thank you!
Hi Sau Yeen,
ReplyDeleteIt will certainly be my honor to meet a leader who deems his/her employee's wedding anniversay more important than a multi-million deal.
Who wouldn't want a win-win situation? But when that is not possible, we learn to give and take. Since Sean has sacrificed his trip to help Ms Black, the latter should also try to compensate Sean. Perhaps place dinner reservations for Sean and his wife at the couple's favorite restaurant? That way, Sean can still celebrate his wedding anniversary and will not feel as depressed. Ms Black should also ensure that such "last-minute changes" do not occur frequently.
By the way, there are two sentences which appear rather awkward to me. "It can exists in myraid levels of analysis..." and "Hesistantly to Ms Black's command". Will it be possible for you to enlighten me as to what they mean? Thanks :)
Evelia
Hi Sau Yeen,
ReplyDeleteAs a superior, Ms Black should not raised her voice at Sean and forced him to follow her order as she is the one who is paying his wages. Instead, she should respect Sean's right as he had applied work leave through formal process and it was already approved.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi all,
ReplyDeleteThanks for spending some of your precious time to comment on my post. I really appreciate it a lot.
Mark: I do agree with you that Ms. Black was being so authoritative, generating an invisible barrier between her and Sean. She made the situation difficult to a point where Sean did not have the choice to say no and was forced to follow her orders unless he did not really care about his job and his working relationship with his boss.
Duane:It's true that understanding is important in this scenario. The lack of understanding had caused the conversation between Sean and Ms. Black to become unpleasant. If the conversation were developed with empathy, Sean could have understand the stress that Ms. Black was dealing with which resulted in her inconsiderate behavior. I like your idea of suggesting alternatives to Ms. Black. Ms. Black would have felt better knowing that Sean was still committed to his job.
Brad: Thanks for commenting on my post. It's true that this kind of situation is inevitable in a work setting.
Evelia: “It can exist in myriad levels of analysis and one of the most popular levels is interpersonal conflict.” means that there are many forms of conflicts and one of the most common ones is the interpersonal conflict. The other sentence that you have highlighted means Sean hesitated to Ms. Black’s order. Well, my English is not perfect. Do correct me if there’s any mistake. I am willing to learn. Thanks. :)
For me, I feel that both Sean and Ms. Black should try to understand each other’s situation. Although Ms. Black was experiencing tremendous stress at that moment, she should have managed her feelings better instead of flaring up. I believe that there are many other ways to request Sean to stay back instead of blurting out harsh words and putting Sean in a position where he could not say no.
Besides that, what Evelia have said is true. We need to learn the art of give and take. Compromising with one another is a way to maintain good relationship. Since Ms. Black insisted Sean to cancel his work leave, I feel that she should reward him as a token of appreciation for his commitment. For example, after Sean has finished his assignment, Ms. Black could give Sean and his wife a free trip to the place that they intended to go. By doing so, both parties would be happier. Ms. Black would not have to worry about the proposal while Sean could still enjoy his free trip with Amber although it’s a belated wedding anniversary.
Dear Cher,
ReplyDeleteYou are totally right. Ms. Black should respect Sean’s right instead of using her authority to threaten him. She should have controlled her emotions instead of flaring up which would make the situation worse.
SY